The Light

The light is fading

catch it quick

Slip it into the drink of a young girl who needs it

Paint it on your finger tips

Smudge it on your cheekbones

Know that you are not in this alone

Let your breath fall like raindrops on a Tuesday afternoon

You are not you

You are the compilation of decades of dreamers

just trying to matter- just trying to take up space

You are your Mama's artwork, Daddy's best catch

You are the exhale of a Monday morning,

a constant "Here we go again"

The light is fading

tame it quick

Whisper it into existence

Name it with your lips

Write it into your daily routine

right after your brush your teeth

The flicker of candlelight on a Friday night

wrapped up in sheets

You are the music moving the story

The dramatic pause and the cascading conclusion

You are the very pulse of movement

The light is fading 

hold it quick

Stitch the warmth into the lines on your palms

You'll need it when the gray clouds come

covering you from horizon to horizon

You are the boldness of sun

daring to rise and

You are salt water stinging eyes

You are a mess and you're still here

The ribcage in your chest more capable than you thought

of holding up your heavy heart

The light is fading

find it quick 

Redeemed

I've never been one of the cool kids
With the right gym shoes and the right words to say
I've never been picked first or felt loved most
I trip over my words and over my feet
And some days it seems that I undo more "good" than I speak
And still You've picked me
Out of a crowd and up into Your arms
You've chosen me to be Your Beloved
How good it feels to be called home after I've made mess after mess
Dug holes in the yard and filled them with my regrets
You've picked me

I have been redeemed
Seen even when I feel unseen, unclean
I have wrestled with demons and heartache and lost
But my Savior paid more than the cost when he died for me
Set free from all of my own insecurities
My addiction to making everything seem settled and safe
I've learned that your grace works most in the midst of the waves
chaos abounding often leading to love astounding
Like winning a race I didn't know I was running

I will always be running
You set my course and anoint my feet
Giving me worth when I should have been worthless
Purchased by the blood of a Savior
Who paid my entrance fee into the kingdom of glory
I have been redeemed
And still day after day I'm learning what that means
That I am free in his love and the security of knowing
that even in the moments I feel lost, I've been found

You have called me higher
Made me to love deeper and wider
But I wasn't left to walk this terrain alone
Surrounded by community formed of holy unity
You put on your hiking boots and came to walk by my side
And I am called to arise
Rescued from darkness and brought into light
With wounds in my sides that seem to match Yours
I have been jaded and hurt, I've wandered and lied
but through it all you've picked me
Saved me through Your wishing well ways
Washed clean by buckets and buckets grace
I have been redeemed

Sweet Summer

We arrived with clean feet and open hearts
Some of us more ready than others-
a ragtag bunch of people attempting to get it right
and not always knowing exactly what "right" is
We were greeted by the pine trees with their brave branches,
the sun peeking through as if to say "Welcome home"

We sat in circles and prayed in circles and ran in circles
preparing for the days to come
But how can you prepare for the lakeside conversations that break your heart?
Or the nights spent stargazing, staring off into an endless sky created by an endless Creator
Or the hours upon hours spent scooping ice cream and watching children play in the water
singing to ourselves "No place I'd rather be"

I swear that laughter is God's joy personified
And this summer we laughed and cried and laughed until we cried
We broke bread and broke down
Each day offering a new chance, a new start, a new song
We were called to love and to teach and to empower
But there were mornings that I really didn't feel like getting out of bed
And still the Christ in me said "Let's tackle this one together
and learn a little bit about grace along the way"

This was not a mountaintop summer but instead a summer of foundation
Of building up the important things
and breaking away the not so important ones
It was a summer of empty coffee cups and beautiful conversations
Of growing and learning and letting go and changing
I think it rained so much not just to keep us on our toes
But to let us know that though storms may come
we are held safe by our Maker
Gentle raindrops calling "Come and worship, come be washed clean"

We'll leave this summer with dirty feet and full hearts
Some of us more ready than others-
a ragtag family of sisters and brothers in Christ
ready to go out and be light
Because we know that even when the dirt road turns to pavement
and the summer sky fades to fall
Camp isn't just a season, it's a feeling
A feeling of being loved and free and a tad bit crazy
Never an ending, always a fresh start
Knowing that we've become a part of each other's stories
Creating new testimonies in a place that always beckons
"Come back soon"

A Letter to My Younger Self

You are destined for wonderful adventures
but you are also destined for mistakes
Do not hold your wide eyes and open hands too closely to the idea of being perfect
It will only lead to self loathing at 2 AM
When all you can do is analyze every mistake you made that day
or that week, or that year
Instead, know that your hands may fail you
and your feet may wander down dangerous trails of thought
But you will surprise yourself consistently with how well you bounce back
How quickly your mind adapts to new places and new people and new shoes to fill

Stay away from the ones who do not care for you well
You were not made to conveniently fit into the life of someone who calls you beautiful
Sometimes people will make you feel like you are a wallflower
At least be a daisy, a sunflower
Something that makes others smile
And try not to let them grind your self esteem down to a grain of sand
Sand is too soft, they'll walk all over you
Instead be wood chips, pine needles, even cactus spikes
Do not be afraid to leave a lasting impression

You probably won't grow to be as tall as you hoped for
but do not get too caught up on size
Focus instead on how big your heart is, how big you love
Make sure you go out of your way to help flowers bloom in sidewalk cracks
And every now and then, take a step back
and marvel at how much good there really is in this world
even if you have to squint your eyes and tilt your head to see it sometimes
It's there, I promise
Darkness will always threaten to seep into your pores
but don't let it get too comfortable
You were made by a God who knows darkness like no other
And yet He still calls it light

There will be days when you're running incredibly late
and your clothes don't sit the way you want them too
and you haven't done your math homework yet
(you'll probably never do your math homework)
But trust me, it's not the end of the world
You will have days when you can't lift your head off the pillow
and people you know will leave this world far too young
and teachers will place limits on your future with red pen and raised eyebrows
and all you'll want to do is retreat into your own bones
But it still will not be the end of the world

Because your world is just beginning
You will have first kisses and road trips and nights where you eat way too much ice cream
You will dwell in the pages of far too many good books
and learn to not read people too quickly when you meet them
You will sing on stages and sing in churches and learn to tell the difference between the two
There will be weeks when everything feels so incredibly right
and weeks when you're in over your head
Do not waste too much time trying to do it all on your own
You may be strong, but your arms will never be able to hold
all that you try to put on your plate
And always remember that you will never be too far from others' love and grace

Things That Sweden Taught Me

Sometimes God yells and dances and claps Her hands
But sometimes She quietly whispers hymns through fields of yellow flowers
Just because things aren't happening loudly doesn't mean they aren't happening at all
And I think we've begun to forget that there is power in stillness
There is power in being small
That some days your feet have to stop moving
so that your mind can stop too

I'm convinced that the best medicine is Scripture and a strong cup of coffee
That days spent laying in the grass are not days wasted at all
Quiet revivals can rumble in cafes and countrysides and cathedrals
Volume is not necessarily noise, it's just the amount of space taken up
Maybe we should let Her fill in the silence more often
instead of rushing to do it ourselves
In fact, She's quite skilled at creating something out of nothing
Painting beautiful scenery out of ashes and mud

We've become all too littered with desires and destructive decisions
But when you are seemingly plucked from all that you know
it becomes easier to examine the core of who you are
Maybe we're best when taken out of context
I don't think I'll every truly know what it feels like to be comfortably home
But I can remain comfortable in knowing that there are pieces of Home all over this Earth
Reflections of a God that is unfathomably vast
I'm grateful that we're never expected to bear Her image alone

If you listen hard enough, you'll hear the footsteps of brave people
walking down cobblestone streets
Fountains catching coins and laughing at silly wishes
secretly hoping that they will come true
First dates and first prayers and first times for everything
You'll hear children's laughter breaking down barriers
And directions given to strangers
I'm grateful that "Hallelujah" is the same in every language

Are We There Yet?

The soles of my feet were not created with road maps printed on them
I am a wanderer with a capital "A" for "Always searching"
But You don't mind
You never let me wander alone
It's dangerous out there with broken streetlights
judgement hidden in cracks, broken glass
You leave the 99 and take a walk with me so I can clear my mind
Sometimes it takes all night and we greet the Sun with tired knees and course voices
And You tuck me into a bed of grace saying "Goodnight my wanderer"

Lately I've been trying to sneak You into the pockets of strangers
Hoping that compassion could be contagious
It's easy to think that I am doing nothing by giving away smiles and yellow flowers
But You are doing big things in me
If only I could borrow Your eyes for a moment
so that I could look at people the way they need to be seen
Just a glimpse from You and they would know
Know that you love them from their split ends to their elbows to their baby toes
Know that you love them for their past and their present and all they are going to be

If only I wasn't so easily distracted
so consistently egocentric
Wrapped up in my own planned out plans
Staring at my hands not wanting to get them dirty
If only I was able to trust in you as I trust that the ground below my feet will always hold me up
And that the sky above my head will always stay there
If only my default mode wasn't "maybe some other time"
If only I fully understood how it could be that I am Yours and You are mine

And still You love my "If only"s
After all, You wrote my story
And even on days where I feel like I am defined by misjudgment and mistakes
When I let my own self get in the way
You sit by my side and let me catch my breath
Reminding me that this isn't the end, this isn't where I'm meant to be
apart from Your joy, apart from Your glory
Like a little child in the backseat I keep asking "Are we there yet?"
You taken my broken hallelujahs and call me by name
You write out thank you notes in the budding trees saying
"See, I told you winter wouldn't last forever"

People Are Not Illegal

I don't know when we decided that it was okay 

to bind the wrists of others together with caution tape

To place warning signs on someone’s race

To make them feel less than human

Less than alive

This world thrives on compromising people's worth for the sake of feeling unjustly safe 

Entanglements of lies, how can we look into a child's eyes and deny them a future

Children should not be born with statistics etched into their DNA

I am a child who was born into privilege

Chances are slim that I will ever be seen as a threat

I have never been stopped and frisked on a city street

Or had my level of intelligence determined from the way I speak

I have never been unjustly accused of a crime and held behind bars even though my ancestors fought merely decades ago for the very freedom I have been denied

That is not me

But I can plainly see the amount of brokenness that is upheld in this nation

We've been looking for clarity through a shattered magnifying glass

that we have named justice

Serving a system that should be called illegal, not it's people
Lack of humanity has created an “us” and a “them” instead of a we

And yet I follow a Savior who probably would have been named "illegal"

Would Jesus have been able to get through airport security without being "randomly searched"?

Would my Lord have been welcomed even into the church

without being looked at with a shred of suspicion 

Our mission shouldn't be to change just the way we act but the way we see

Asking God to dilate our pupils so that we can let in more light

I've come to the conclusion that our pointer fingers are a lot stronger than our feet

We love to stand in light and point to darkness

We think and talk and proclaim

Hoping we'll inspire change

But we rarely go and do 

We point to problems more often than we solve them 

Even though our feet are begging to march

To march towards a day abounding with hope

Barriers broken, voices heard

A day where this messy kingdom is restored

People no longer ignored as a number

Or branded as illegal, caught up in vicious cycles

We march toward a day where our feet will always empathize with the footsteps of our brothers and sisters

A day where everyone will be named with endless love