untitled

I am learning to love
the being I've become
The body that holds my tender soul
The skin and bones, the flesh
wrapped around mess and holiness
Truly it is a journey
To learn to trust your bones, your tongue, your cracking joints
worn from the battle, worn from the love
Worn from learning you are enough
Truly it is a journey
to plant hope in your lungs
and breathe out trust

a prayer for the pain

This world is a heavy one
Let it down easy
Your weary limbs can't rejoice right now
But somehow
Hope still flickers
Dancing in the shadows
Tip-toeing down alleyways
It may not seem like the
darkness will ever dissipate
Wait
Night cannot remain forever
Let your lungs mourn
Let your chest collapse in surrender
Exhale the sorrow burrowing inside
No need to hide
Joy comes in the morning
It may not be morning yet

a glimpse of hope

My limbs have been craving the safe space
in between my Mama's flannel sheets
usually reserved for Christmas morning
or heartache
or secrets too heavy to keep
It all seems too heavy-
This weary world trying to rejoice
Voices of hope lost in the shuffle
Muffled groans of
"How much longer shall we wait?"

I have yet to learn how to navigate grace
It's messy
A love that says, "You matter.
Let us keep pressing on."
A love song of left behind leaves
quaking in the morning wind
And fresh flurries falling
from a bleak midwinter sky
The "Let's try this one more time"
that slips out of cracked, dry lips

And I'm sure I've missed
glimpses of hope
while keeping my eyes fixed on the world
Chaos abounding
leading to love astounding
What child is this that enters in?
The sins of the world upon His shoulders
May we be bolder-
in laughter, in loving, in looking for light

And bare winter branches are
craving all they've lost
Counting the cost of waiting til spring
to bloom once more
And we wait with them
knowing all will be restored
Holding onto hope
Longing for Your love
Born into a grace
that comes from above
Glimpses of the way it should be
While we wait, Oh God, for your peace.

Mourning

The words feel too empty
Too incomplete
I'm offering prayers that walk streets
I do not know. I cannot fully know
But I can lament
And let my lips linger
On names that spent
their last moments running
from fates unimaginable

How do we reel in the darkness
from swallowing the light
The whole earth is mourning
all creation groaning
Desperately trying to hold the reigns tight
Our blisters have blisters, the day becomes night

In the midst of our cries 
you are the source of peace
You are the song the sidewalk sings as it cries itself to sleep
You are the joy on the horizon
A love undivided
You are the whisper to keep running, dancing, laughing, loving
Even when our feet cannot bear the load
you are the arms holding us close

Clothed in permanent sack cloth and ashes
Mourn with those who mourn
There's a new morning coming, I'm sure
filled with peace unknown
Foreign to our weeping bones
No more bullet holes
through car windows

Train your lungs to breathe in new spaces
The opposition of hate is not more hatred
Be the very testimony that Love shall prevail
Even as the world tries to nail
hope to a cross over and over

And over and over
We are the broken ones crying out to be healed
Forgive us for we know not what we are doing
Don't let our anger settle into the conclusion
that violence is normal-
It will never be normal

We do not have the words to say
Because we're not supposed to
We were not made for this
A pain so divisive, aching hearts and bitterness
This is not the garden we were planted in
But each morning is a chance to rise again
Grateful for breath in our lungs
The songs that have sung for thousands of years
against all odds, against the backdrop of fear
Reminding us that even when sorrow comes day after day
Hope will always get the final, final say

Oh, be gentle

Be gentle with your heart
It's the only one you've got
It's okay to hold it softly
to let the creases in your bending fingers cradle
its every pulse
You're alright, you're alright
All is right with this very moment
Even when your broken shows
and you can't control it all
You can slip in sidewalk puddles
And crawl into the safe spaces of
blankets warmed by another
You can throw up arms
in sweet surrender
There is a simple strength in refusing to be strong
You will carry on, you will carry on
Cast your burdens and She'll carry them home
It's okay to not want to be known
To claim your invisibility for a moment of peace
Do not hide your beauty
-the very beauty of being alive
Feeling the fullness of life
The hard, hard moments of wishing you could let go
and the sweetness of coming back home
to flickering candlelight that smells of
vanilla and sandalwood
You are light, you are light
Take the risk and do not catch your fall
After all, there is a sweet bliss
in waking to the falling rain
And knowing it is not okay
but it does not always have to be
You are whole, you are whole
Held by the sweetest Peace you'll ever know
Days will come and days will go
And trusting your lungs will keep breathing
is just the place to start
Be gentle with your heart

Hands

To the North Park student at the Sex Signals improv show who said that sometimes "no" means "yes" 

Rape is not a joke
There is no punchline in being punched by
objectification
Having no final say in
the state of your body
Hands should be helping, uplifting
instead of holding hips in
parenthesis
Whispers are not any less than
the screams of no, please

There is no power in taking hold of another's hope
There is no love in force
We teach hemlines to be longer
instead of telling hands to stop
Why do we say things are okay in the dark
That alcohol makes someone
not human at all

That's what you suggest
when you violate identity
Consent is not sexy, it is necessary
Victim blaming
Slut shaming
Not naming the cause of the pain
The misuse of bodies scattered on floors
We ignore the disease until symptoms show
and threaten our reality

May we be
the ones who sing sing light in dark places
Created as safe spaces
May we rest in the One whose hand is over everything
The One who weeps over
Her children's pain
May we hold close the hearts that are still healing
We are all still healing

Shattered but running
Let us keep running
Never letting the hurt hide behind closed doors
May we never ignore the voices that cry out
The brave souls and feet that walk
streets of recovery
Mourning with those who mourn
May we dare to live in abundance of peace

Let it be

You are something
Everything
windswept and voices kept quiet
You are nights that pile up tea cups
and mornings that start with laughter
Your heartbeat rings free from the pain you've known
You're home- I know it seems like a rather unassuming place
This humble space
sandwiched between "we've got no idea" and
sweet, sweet bliss

It will all fall apart before you finish counting your blessings
but keep on counting
Out of the ashes and rubble you'll learn how it feels
to start anew, over and over
The wildflowers in your heart will surely bloom again
I can see the darkness in the valleys beneath your hopeful eyes
But the times ahead will be filled with a grace
that washes over your fumbling hands and forgetful heart
It's a start

And I can guarantee there will be
Broken, hopeful people to walk with you
To point you to Jesus and sunlight and the good stuff
made of spontaneous adventure
You will wander
You will trust the familiar feelings of lust and longing
and comparing all you're not to all you ought to be
Let it be

You'll burrow into the achey kind of sadness
that makes you crave being alone
but your bones are Sacred
You are stitched together with hopeful words
Held close to your Maker
Let it be
You're a holy sinner not a Savior and it's not your job to be
perfect

Take that in, press the words upon your spirit
You'll make more mistakes than you can list on your forearms
But you'll be strong
You were made to walk the waters of reckless abandon
Give up your planned out plans
and hold fast to the hope that once you've been lost
you'll surely be found
You're home now